Put Yourself First

Happy February friends!

Can you believe it’s already a new month? If you’re anything like me, you’re still writing 2015 after the date. (This is kind of a problem when I spend my days charting in medical records).

I hope January treated all you well! I’m always looking for an excuse for self-reflection and the end of a month seems like the perfect time. Here are some things that made me happy this month (in no particular order):

• Discovering House of Cards (if you haven’t watched it, YOU NEED TO)
• Starting my clinical rotation at the hospital with really awesome dietitians that make the workday feel not so bad
• Putting a string of Christmas lights around my room so I can lay in bed at night with candles lit and feel like I’m in my own little cozy world
• Spending the first two days of the year with two of my best friends, eating brunch and drinking wine like the fine ladies we are
• Sitting in on WIC appointments and seeing first-hand why government assistance programs are necessary (despite what many politicians would like to believe); in particular, sitting in one one appointment with a woman about my age with one-year old twins who was so excited and so committed to being a mother
• Putting the handwarmers that may sister made me in my boots in the morning to keep my feet warm (sound like something you need? Check out her Etsy site here)
• Re-reading Brene Brown’s The Gift of Imperfection 
• Attending a Bernie Sanders rally
• Peppermint chocolate Lindt truffles
• Discovering podcasts (I’m like 8 years late to the game, I know. Side note: if any of you have podcast suggestions particularly anything having to do with politics or feminism or general inspirational bad-ass-ness, I am all ears. Leave them in the comments below!)
• Time to relax after work without having to do schoolwork (again. House of Cards.)
• Southern Pecan coffee that I ground in my new coffee bean grinder- all thanks to my godmother :)

I’ve also had time to regroup and refocus this month. It’s fitting that it’s a new month because this weekend brought about big changes and life-altering revelations. I won’t get into them much here but suffice it to say, I am much more enlightened about the direction my life needs to go in than I was last week. (You may be thinking, “wow! That sounds like pretty heavy stuff!” You would be right.)

As I go into the new month, I’ve got a lot of ideas and a lot of goals bouncing around in my brain. Originally, this blog post was much longer but I’ve decided that most of the thoughts in my head aren’t ready to be shared with the world yet. Stay tuned.

This month, I’m deciding to put myself first which feels like a positively radical idea. I so rarely put myself first. Next to never. It fills me with guilt and the feeling that I’m a selfish disappointment (I’m pretty mean to myself in my head). I live my life constantly trying to keep everyone around me happy, never disappointing or rocking the boat. This week, when I was having a particularly bad day of people-pleasing, I got a much-needed reminder from my boyfriend: “Put yourself first.”

My goal this month is to abandon the compulsive urge to say yes when I really want to say no. To relinquish the need to check that other people won’t get upset before I make a decision. To surrender myself to what I want. To make myself a priority. What a profoundly foreign idea.

So I ask you: what made you happy in January? What are your goals in February? How do you put yourself first? Share in the comments below!